I recommend getting married at a young age when neither of you know what you want and neither has had the chance to develop their own set of rules for living. Life would be so much easier if we just went from "yes, Daddy" to "yes, my Love". I'm hoping my daughter doesn't have the relationship with us that I had with my parents and want to leave at an early age. Setting up a home as a single young woman with a strong will to survive does not bode well for a strong willed male coming along and trying to fill the Godly roll he was given. I must say I have longed for the easy love and affection that seems to come so easy for so many other couples. And I realize that so many of them are only making it look good so that nobody can see the brokenness inside. I can't hide the brokenness and so I'm sure I was an open book to all of you looking on in those years. And if you bothered to ask, I told. I don't like cover ups and I don't like fake people. I can spot a fake person a mile away and they have a stench about them that it just triggers my fake people gauge. Anyway, we have never had a fairy tale romance. Or any romance, for that matter. According to my romance tank, its been on empty for decades. Or a decade.
But there are promises to God's children and I claim them for us. There is sun after the rain and there is hope after the flood of horridness that oozes from us. God is using us to mold each other into what His definition of a child of the King is. He never promises that marriage will be easy or that the other person will get whats coming to them if we have a bad relationship.
He doesn't tell us that even if we are faithful, He will keep our spouse faithful.
He doesn't say that if we submit to our husbands they will eventually come around and do what we want.
He doesn't tell us that if we aren't happy it's ok to look around and find someone who will make us happy. Or make us feel good about ourselves. Or make us remember the good ole days of singleness when we could see whoever we wanted.
He never says it's ok to hit the bars or spend time out without our spouse, just because our spouse doesn't stop us.
Here is what He does say,
Galation: 2:17But if, in our endeavor to be justified in Christ, we too were found to be sinners, is Christ then a servant of sin? Certainly not! 18For if I rebuild what I tore down, I prove myself to be a transgressor. 19For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. 20I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousnessb were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.
Galations 5:13For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 15But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.
16But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21envy,d drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
25If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Your spouse is your neighbor, a soul created by God, to bring glory to Him. Its not our job to tear them down so they can rebuild, or even better, so we can rebuild them. This has been a hard lesson for me. By the Grace of God, Noah is still being rebuilt by God and even more importantly, so am I. Though some days it feels like I'm only being torn down but each time I'm torn down, God rebuilds with something better, something so much sweeter and it works for awhile until I decide I can do a better job. That always ends in disaster and He starts the rebuilding process again.
Noah is an amazing person. He has tolerated me for so many years through the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sorry to say the ugly seems to be the prevailing theme around here. He is a patient husband in all my disasters, fixing anything and everything that I happen to ruin. He is patient with me when I've just had it and he comes home to a cold heart, a cold dinner and sometimes no dinner at all. He patiently folds the mountain of laundry that seem to accumulate from nowhere. He has never threatened to leave me even tho I'm sure he has thought about it. Maybe because the cooking talent he had as a bachelor has mysteriously disappeared. :)
And 11 years later, we are still hanging out at home on our anniversary, with the kids, doing the same thing we always do. Bringing in the new year with silent hopes for a better year, better relationships, better communication and a deeper love that erases all the good, the bad and the ugly and just leaves us with the knowledge that we are loved, we are redeemed and we are precious to our Saviour. We don't need our romance tank filled, we don't need to be mushy in love, we don't need an exotic anniversary trip ( i do dream of this). All we need to know is that each has been brought to the knowledge of Christ and each believes the covenant we have given ourselves to in Christ is bound with His Love and breaking it is not an option nor will it ever be. We are one.
